The Weird Man with a Cat

This guy who I was cool with alllllll freshman year had been asking me out for about 4 years. I decided to give him a chance once we started talking on the regular. He was very handsome, 3 years older, bald (I normally don’t deal with bald men), but with a thick beard. We had been talking everyday for a month or two and he asked for us to hang just once. 
So the night comes where we were supposed to hang out….
He’s there on time (7pm)…

smelling good like he just washed his ass…

His car is clean…

He got out of the car to get me and rang the doorbell…

He could keep the conversation going in person…

Andddd we ended up matching outfits

What could possibly go wrong?

We get to his house and he asks me, “Do you have an issue with cats?”…. Nigga why are you just asking me this now?!? I don’t have an issue with cats so we start to head inside. He ordered us some food while we were walking and soon as he opened the door, a cute tiny black cat is greeting us. He picked up the cat and rubbed his beard against the cat. I gave him a look because he was a little too long with it and he goes “I wash my beard all the time after I rub her”. Ard cool bet. 

We move upstairs to his room and he had damn near a Blockbuster store (if you don’t know what Blockbuster is this page is too old for you… please exit) collection of movies. He put on ‘Don’t Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood’ and leave out to go wash his beard. The food comes and we eat. The movie goes off and we put in another movie. 

He kept trying to cuddle and I wasn’t really with it. I hate cuddling unless you’re my man. I even hate kissing you unless you’re my partner but whatever. So he grabs my face and starts kissing me, he was an amazing kisser so I’ll admit I melted a little. While we’re in the middle of kissing since he was playing with my hair and he has a beard, when he pauses I’m thinking maybe one of our hairs had gotten into his mouth. 

A BITCH WAS WRONG. HE STARTED TO RUB HIS SPIT ON MY FACE LIKE IT WAS FUCKING LOTION. I mean Buffalo Bill’s version of rubbing.

I immediately stopped him and basically said in so many words “fuck no”. He apologized and explained that that was one of his kinks. So after a mini-conversation about consent, we went back to kissing. He stopped kissing me and when I turn my head, his cat is there. STARING HARD AS SHIT. Normally people with pets put them in another room, when they have certain guests over or when some type of sexual activity is happening. NOT THAT MAN. The cat and him stared at each other for a minute, the cat left, and we went back to kissing. 

I was going without sex for a minute and his kisses and bites were on point. He had told me some stories so I had planned to try him out one day in the future but not that damn early. Plus, I had a forest growing down there. I let him know there’s a slim to none possibility that we’re going to have sex. He kept trying to finger me AND ANYONE WHO KNOWS ME KNOWS THAT I HATE FINGERS so I was dry as shit once I felt him down there. I was terribly mistaken thinking my forest and dryness from his fingers would turn him off. He was even more turned on. He thinking, I’m wet tried to put his dick in…. she wasn’t opening up for shit. The cat came back in the room, they stared at each other, and his dick stands up even more when his lover (the fucking cat) jumps on the bed. At this point, I’m just… NAH BITCH NAH. So I got up to use the bathroom to go pee…. 

THE FUCKING BATHROOM WAS DISGUSTING AS SHIT. 

Hair everywhere

Trash overflowing

Sink has dirt in it (HOW THE FUCK IS YOUR SINK DIRTY?!?!?? IT’S A FUCKING SINK)

The tub looked like niggas played with mud and soap scrum wrestling in it..

I was ready to fucking go. I didn’t say shit about the bathroom. I held my pee and put my jeans on. We get downstairs and he wanted to grab a water bottle from the kitchen. We got to the kitchen and…

Dishes were piled up
Papers wee everywhere

Cat food was scattered around

I walked back to the clean living room fast as hell because I started to itch.

 We got into the car and he started asking me wildass questions about my pussy. “You were really tight and wouldn’t get really turned on so are you a hermaphrodite or tranny (his words not mine)?” “Are you sure you were born a girl because you’re too pretty to be a girl?” The questions went on and on so finally he asked can we chill again? 

in my head: FUCK NO 

Words from my mouth: no thank you
We never spoke again after that night but I told one of my old friends about it months later and she said that’s not the first time she heard something about him with his cat, dirty place, and questions.